Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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