Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
