What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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