Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
