There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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