I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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