Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
