Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
