I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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