I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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