You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
