you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have post one night stand depression
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
