hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
