Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
4 words: hood of his car
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
