i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
