i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
