Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
50% drunk capacity currently
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
