Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
