really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
