woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
