they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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