dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
