I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
