There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize