I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
