The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize