I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
