omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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