I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
