I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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