in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
