We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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