the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
