Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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