Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
