I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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