She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
