you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
