I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
