Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
At least make sure they are 18
Why
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
