We're like a lot better than the average bears
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My ass is underappreciated
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
