He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
