...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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