Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
