my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
