Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
