I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
