What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize