Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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