things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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