it wasn't lemon gatorade
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
