a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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