Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my being single is dangerous.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
