i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
