ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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