So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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