i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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