I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
