Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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