I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
