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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
