I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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