So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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