You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
