this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
