ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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