my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
