I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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