Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
