my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
