THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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